brendaNdoug and fam: March 2013

20 March 1927 - 17 March 2013
A man ahead of his time... Brenda always thought that of her dad. He wasn't the type to come home from work, grab the paper and sit down in the chair to read or to watch TV. He was in the kitchen cooking, cleaning, sweeping, mopping, out in his garden working, or tinkering with some project that he had going on in his shop- always doing whatever needed to be done. She and her siblings always mentioned that he was the one that would watch the kids when they were younger while the family was out shopping or whatever. He was a 21st century man. In the short 32+ years that I knew him, he was always very kind to me, treating me as one of his own. I felt more at home and apart of their family than I did my own, that's how comfortable I felt around him and the family.

What a life he had- not an easy one, from beginning to end. I'm surprised he turned out to be the wonderful person that he did. If anyone had a reason to complain or blame their childhood upbringing or environment, he did. His mother died when he was 3 months old, almost died as an infant, wasn't raised with his brothers and sisters as they were all passed around to different extended family members. I think he spent most of his growing up years up in the mountains in the sheep camps. At sometime in his youth, he got a cherry pit stuck in his ear which they didn't get out for a long time. But he had infections in his ear from that time until on his LDS mission in Australia, he almost died as the infection got worse. It just "happened" that one of the few surgeons that could operate on his ear was in Australia and saved his life. Of course, he would be deaf in that ear for the rest of his life. But did he complain? I don't think so, he was not that kind of man. There will be a huge void in our lives because of his absence.

It was in July or so of last year that we found out that Dad Little's cancer was getting worse, spreading into his bones. We didn't know how much time we would have with him- weeks, months, who knew. Luckily he finally got some meds that would help him manage the pain. He started hospice in the fall, but didn't have to use them too much because of the meds- he was able to do most things, but didn't have much energy to do a lot.

We were at the movies Saturday night (March 16th) and as we got out, Brenda checked her phone and saw that her mom had left a message, stating that she had better come sooner than later, as Dad was not doing well. When she got up to Richmond, her Dad was incoherent- they had been giving him morphine every 2 hours to keep the pain under control. Sunday after my bishopric and Sacrament meetings, I grabbed the kids that wanted to and headed up as well. We had been there for about 15 minutes before he journeyed on to the Spirit World. As most of the family surrounded him, we got used to the noisy oxygen machine running and his shallow breathing. It was almost deafening when his breathing got slower and slower- then stopped. And as we watched him take his last breath, Clarinda (Brenda's sister) and Mom sat on the bed beside him with their hands on his chest, feeling the last beats of his heart. It was a special time. So sad to see him go, but so glad he doesn't have to suffer anymore.

Journey back with me, a week ago Tuesday (the 12th), the day before Brenda had to go to N'arleans for work... she was running out of time to get ready and wasn't going to go up and see her parents before she left, but then decided to do it last minute. Thank goodness we went up, as it was the last time we had to be with Dad while in good spirits, was able to get around, work a bit in the kitchen with us, etc. We went for a little drive around the back roads of Richmond and towns up to the big city of Preston, ID (yahoo!). I stayed with him in the back seat and we talked whilst Brenda and her mom went shopping. It was good to be able to visit with him. We talked about a lot of stuff, mainly family. He mentioned how Brenda had asked him a few weeks earlier about getting a Father's Blessing (which he did and was great to witness). He chuckled and said, "now all the kids want one!" I don't think that ever happened for them which is too bad- we didn't think he's go this fast. He also mentioned that his hospice nurses had told him that they had other patients with his illness and was surprised how much longer he had lasted and that he should have died 6 months ago. I asked him what he attributed that to and he said, "prayers"... there have been many sent up in his behalf for sure. He mentioned what a special girl Brenda is. I told him I was so lucky to have her (so true- she is amazing!) Then on Thursday, he turned for the worst. Mom had to start him on the morphine because of so much pain. Friday she had to call in the nurse and help him get into bed, etc- the pain was too much. Then Saturday, afternoon, he visited with couple of family members, thanking them for the visit and those were his last words.

The viewing/funeral was Friday night the 22nd, and Saturday the 23rd. It was a great service- there were a lot of people that came to pay their respects. He had touched so many lives and done so much for so many. Brenda and her sibs did a great tribute to him. Brenda talked on how she sees special traits in each sibling that they got from their dad. I was asked to give the Grave Dedication... quite an honor- and my first.

What a great and special man- he will be missed. But, it's not the end. I am so glad to know that through our Savior, Jesus Christ, that we'll be able to see and be with him again! This gives me the hope and strength to keep going, through all the "stuff" that happens. How sad for those that choose not to accept and try to understand that truth. Why wouldn't you want to?

Just a bit of lightness in the whole thing- I was thinking before I went up on the Sunday he passed away, that he better not die on St. Patrick's Day (when I got up there, Brenda told me that her mom had said the same thing). She's Scottish you see...

Dad, we love you and will miss you for a season...

"...The works of God continue, and worlds and lives abound; Improvement and progression have one eternal round. There is no end to matter; there is no end to space; There is no end to spirit; there is no end to race..." If You Could Hie to Kolob William W Phelps

We've been thinking about taking Dad down to San Diego to stay at my sister Laraine's house for a while. I've never been able to convince Dad that it would be a good idea, enjoyable to get out of the snow and cold... he's complaining that he can't get outside to do any walking. He just does the Eeyore , "no, I'm OK. Don't worry about me...". I brought it up again last week, I mentioned that Brenda and I were thinking about going down to SD cause we had some business to take care of, and wondered if he might like to come along. Well, he perked right up and thought that he might like that. It's interesting how his mind works now. I think he had a pretty good time down there. He went on several walks...one was when B and I were gone to take care of some business, Sydney stayed with him and he wanted to go out for a stroll. On the loop, there is a steep hill that he has to stop several times... she kept thinking to herself, "what if he collapses? what do I do?" Luckily, we came driving around the corner and picked them up. Hey, if he goes, at least he goes doing something that he likes, right? We also went to the ocean and hung out there a bit, saw Brenda's niece Krista and her family, we saw some old friends from when we lived in Seattle- the Romeros. They live on quite a nice spread, but it's heck and gone from SD- out in the sticks, but oh so nice. It was good to visit with them and compare "war wounds". They are just some of God's "salt of the earth" people, he was up as a possible candidate for the new stake presidency (it was just reorganized, but he didn't get in- will probably next time when they split the stake), so he'll just stay as a bishop (!). He said, "did you ever think 20 years ago, to look forward, would you think that you'd have these kind of family problems?" It just goes to show you, you can be the best you can be, try to do what's right, try to be a good example, blah, blah, blah, but your kids ultimately make their own choices- as tough as it is for us to allow that to happen! It's just so hard to see your kids going through "stuff" when it would be so much easier if they would just do what they're suppose to! Oh well, it's the Lord's plan and we're gonna just stick with it and do the best we can! It just happened to be Brendr's birthday as well whilst we were there- man, what a treat! I mean, who can say that they got to go to San Diego for their 51st birthday? And when it was just going to be a romantic working vacation for the two of us, Dad decided to go, and we made the mistake of telling Sydney and we got to bring her along as well- yippee! Now, a birthday just can't get better than that...can it? To pilfer a line from Carlos... "...you're my reason for reason, the step in my groove..." Happy Birthday, my Love.

Here are a few pix.

Here is Sydney, leading out the wagon train @ the Mormon Battalion Museum

BanD @ SD Harbor

Sydney and Brendr @ SD Harbor

Sydney, Brenda, and Doug with an original member of the Mormon Battalion.... well, almost.

He volunteered... they had to take him. How do you know he wasn't the comic relief? And Mom didn't think he'd amount to anything...

Rochelle, Steve, Brendr, Jerry, and Sydney at the beach. The weather was great... about 70 degrees. The water, not so nice... about 40 probably. Well, after all, it's still winter you know.